Rooney painting benches: Other jobs footballers could do

With Wayne Rooney beginning his community service term after his recent drink-drive charge, here at Rush Football we’ve been thinking…

 

The Everton striker has begun his charge with helping paint benches at a garden centre and, though the reason behind it isn’t brilliant, it certainly got us wondering what other jobs footballers – past and present – could do aside from playing on a match-day.

With that in mind, it’s time to cue an XI full of job-related puns.

GK: Stuart Taylor

The veteran goalkeeper has been around the block in the Premier League and could also probably work his hand at making suits. Taylor the tailor – this is gold!

LB: Neil Taylor

We promise it’s not going to be a team of Taylors but we’ve got to make a system out of it so Aston Villa defender Neil gets in – this team is at least going to look the part.

CB: Terry Butcher

An absolute rock and leader of men in his prime, it’ll be prime cuts of steak that Butcher is more concerned with in this line-up. He’s our skipper.

CB: Steve Cook

Alongside the butcher is the cook suggesting that the pre-match meals are going to be as fresh as they come. Bournemouth defender Steve Cook is a real pro and would be solid in defence.

RB: Darnell Fisher

And, if we don’t want red meat before kick-off, Preston full-back Darnell Fisher might be able to get something sorted for us. The young Championship star as started well this year.

CM: Andrew Driver

If the club needs someone to get the team to away games and there’s no-one provided by the coach company, (contrived we know) then central-midfielder Andrew Driver could do the job.

CM: Darren Fletcher

A job from a by-gone era, a Fletcher is someone who makes arrows – see, we provide education too. There’s many about but Stoke City’s Darren was the one we’ve gone for.

CM: Craig Gardner

Could probably pass as a decent groundskeeper as well as gardener and that would mean the pitch is always in good nick. Notable mentions to Gary and Ricardo as well.

ST: Duje Cop

This is one we really like. The Croatian forward plays for Standard Liege and, though his name is pronounced ‘chop,’ it looks like cop. That’ll do for us and he surely won’t give the opposition defenders arrest. Sorry.

ST: Jack Marriott

In form Peterborough striker Jack Marriott is the next man to make our list and he’ll be sorting out the hotels for the away games. League 2 forward Danny Hylton may come off of the bench to help out.

ST: Billy Paynter

And finally, and rather neatly given we started with Rooney painting, we come to our decorator Billy Paynter. Currently without a club, perhaps he’d be up for signing for this superb, hard-working side?

What do you make of our team? Have we missed anyone? Let us know!

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